I excited for my future but I'm gonna be completely honest; I'm also scared shitless.

I wish you'd just get that.

Ive got some issues that nobody can see
&&all of these emotions are pouring out of me 

I'm gonna do this;; just cause(:

Numero uno; I am single&& things are pretty good. I haven't been single like this in a while&& it feels relieving somewhat, no drama, no extra worries, no sucky relationships, I'm just focused on me. I mean it does suck some days when i really wanna cuddle&& be cute with someone but whatever soon enough; I ain't worried, he's out there somewhere<3

Peace out nigguhs. 11:45, bout that time. Tired as a mother fuckaaa.

JK I'm over you. Missed your last chance.

I've come to the conclusion that I think boys with nose rings are kind of sexy. Oh&& boys with tattoos are hot. Yup.

"Watch your heart when we're together

Boys like you love me forverr"

Oh heyy

Hot chocolate, oreos, incense burning, comfortably in bed about to watch a scary movie. Hm today is going alright so far(: Oh&& I fucking love my grandma, just so you know, she's a beast<3

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Ew. Goodnight.

I like sex&& I think the female anatomy is gorgeous.

I don't get it. Why do you talk to me. Why do you play these weird games. You confused me so much. Nigguh, Fucking just say what you want, what is on your mind? It's pretty simple. It's one way or the other, not all that in between bullshit. Stop weaseling your way back into my life. It's not fair to me. So either stop or go for it. K. Just had to let you know.

People confuse me. I just don't understand life. Sometimes I wonder if I'm in this like superior state of mind, or just very very different state of mind. I see the world&& people in a very different way. I cannot stand high school anymore, I just cannot do it, people are so so fucking immature or in their own little fabricated realities. I sit at lunch just over hearing peoples conversation about the most pointless shit in the world, half the time I just feel like getting up&& being like 'Yo just Shut The Fuck Up' but I don't have the energy or the time to waste my time on people. I really want to get my GED at this point. Winter is right around the corner&& I really don't think I'm going to be able to make it. I've been ready for college for a couple years now, not many people can relate to the fact that I've been to 4 different high schools, like everyone knows everyone in their high school, most have known each other since kindergarden, most have lived in the same town their entire life. I've seen/experienced/lived in so many different situations, met so many different people, I just feel like I know more about life than most kids my age. I sound really conceded but fuck it these are the fact. People also confused&& annoy the fuck out of me. I really don't give a shit what other people think about me, my mains know the truths&& the realities of my life&& that's all that matters to me. I got my few solid friends&& that's really all I need. Sometimes I wish I had a boyfriend, but I just don't have the energy to invest on people anymore. The reality of it is that I won't find anyone in high school. I'm completely fine with it all though, the day I meet that one guy worth fighting for it'll be so worth it. I cannot stand bitches that fucking bitch about everything&& anything. Like no, shut the fuck up, there are more important things to talk about, are you even aware of everything that's going on in the world? And to all the bitches who gossip about shit&& other people; Don't you have a life? Why do you waste your time&& energy bitching about other people? No one cares. It's unnecessary drama. Straight high school bullshit. I want to get far away from here. I want to travel the world. I want to meet the love of my life&& enjoy life. I'm just gonna let everyone know that one day you'll see my name in lights. I'm gonna be famous, no doubt about it. I got big ass plans for my life. I'm just tired of being stuck in this shitty town&& school. I need to get away soon. I can't wait.

I love things that make people feel uncomfortable

Mouth my words, don't say shit;; Shhh. Shut up Bitch&& ride this dick. I'm just playin, let's have a ball; All we need is some weed, hoes&& alcohol.

Something that really aggravates me is when guys don't get hints. LIKE DO I HAVE TO FUCKING SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU?! Flirting is fun, it's entertaining, everyone flirts, but when a girl tell you no about something, unless you guys are together&& it's a cute playful no, no means fucking NO. Just get it through your head. Another thing, asking a girl for sexts, just isn't sexy&& no I still won't send you a picture if you send me one first; I'm gonna be just brutally honest with all of you, a picture of your dick just makes me Laugh Out Fucking Loud&& chances are I'm just gonna show it to my friends&& we'll all have a laugh. If you think your dick is that amazing than use it! Don't fucking waste your time taking pictures of it&& trying to get off to preteens. Get a girl!! Just get a fucking girlfriend! You'll probably get more luck getting it in, but I mean if you like your hand that much go for it, whatever floats your boat. But damn, dudes, get a mean swag&& some class, you have more chances getting laid taking a girl out than being a cocky prick. It's really not that complicated. Oh&& a final thing, don't cuss out a chick if she doesn't give you any, chances are you just suck at picking up girls, you can cuss at her all you want but you're the one going home alone. Peace out Bitchess ;*

When I'll feel that something
I want to hold your hand

One of those fucking awful black days when nothing is pleasing and everything that happens is an excuse for anger. An outlet for emotions stockpiled, an arsenal, an armour. These are the days when I hate the world, hate the rich, hate the happy, hate the complacent, the TV watchers, beer drinkers, the satisfied ones. Because I know I can be all of those little hateful things and then I hate myself for realising that. There's no preventative, directive or safe approach for living. We each know our own fate. We know from our youth how to be treated, how we'll be received, how we shall end. These things don't change. You can change your clothes, change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents but sooner or later your own self will always catch up. Always it waits in the wings. Ideas swirl but don't stick. They appear but then run off like rain on the windshield. One of those rainy day car rides my head implodes, the atmosphere in this car a mirror of my skull. Wet, damp, windows dripping and misted with cold. Walls of grey. Nothing good on the radio. Not a thought in my head.

Lets take life and slow it down incredibly slow, frame by frame with two minutes that take ten years to live out. Yeah, lets do that.

Telephone poles like praying mantras against the sky, metal arms outstretched. So much land travelled so little sense made of it. It doesn't mean a thing all this land laid out behind us. I'd like to take off into these woods and get good and lost for a while. I'm disgusted with petty concerns; parking tickets, breakfast specials. Does someone just have to carry this weight? Abstract typography, methane inconvenience, linear gospel, Nashville sales lady, and torturous lice, mad Elizabeth. Chemotherapy bullshit.

The light within you shines like a diamond mine, like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway. Like a snake eating its own tail, steam turbine, frog farm, two full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memories, movements, the movie unfeeling, unreeling, about to begin.

I've seen your hallway, you're a darn call away, I've hear your stairs creak. I can fix my mind on your yes, and on your no. I'll film you face today in the sparkling canals, all red, yellow, blue, green brilliance and silver Dutch reflection. Racing thoughts, racing thoughts. All too real, you're moving so fast now I cant hold your image. This image I have of your face by the window, me standing beside you arm on your shoulder. A catalogue of images, flashing glimpses then gone again.

Every clear afternoon now I'll picture you up in the air twisting your heel, your knees up around me, my face in your hair. You scream so well, your smile so loud it still rings in my ears.

Imitation. Distant, tired of longing. Clean white teeth. Stay the course. Hold the wheel. Steer on to freedom. Open all the boxes.

Open all the boxes.

Open all the boxes.

Open all the boxes.

Times Square midday: newspaper buildings, news headlines going around, you watch as they go, and hope that some good comes. Those tree shadows in the park they're all whistling chasing leaves. Around six pm, shadows across cobblestones, girl in front of a bathroom mirror she slowly and carefully and paints her face green and mask like. A portrait. A green stripe. Long shot through apartment window, a monologue on top but no girl in shot. The light within you shines like a diamond mine, like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway. Like a snake eating its own tail steam turbine, frog farm, two full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memories, movements. The movie unreeling, about to begin.

That was great

Yeah? Mine were alright. Wasn't my best one but who cares?

That's the spirit... 

Effy.